Not the news we were expecting

Yesterday, we took Caroline to Birmingham to have her hearing tested. She did not pass her newborn screening and since SC has hearing loss, they wanted us to go to B-ham with Caroline. It isn't all that uncommon to fail a newborn screening, especially if it was a c-section baby. So, Ronnie, Caroline, and I headed to Birmingham yesterday morning. Ronnie and I were both in good spirits. We stopped and ate in Prattville and enjoyed each others company. We even talked about how when we made the same trip with Sara Catherine we knew that something was wrong and wanted to see how to move forward! With Caroline, we agreed that we thought she could hear, would get good news, and would be completely shocked if she didn't pass. Ronnie even made the comment that it would feel like a punch in the stomach if she didn't pass. She startles when something loud happens and looks at you when you talk to her. It seems like she is more alert than SC ever was! When we got to Children's we signed in and went right on back! The audiologist was sooo sweet! She did the test to check her ear drum which test for fluid in the ear. Everything looked great! So then she preformed an ABR test. She stuck probes on Caroline's forehead and behind both ears and then stuck the tester in her ear. She failed in both ears. Then she tested her cochlea, but told us that since she failed the one test she would most likely fail that one...and she did! I teared up and was trying SO hard not to cry every time she would tell us that she failed, but I still had hope that she was ok. At first when I would ask questions to see if Caroline could hear normally, and she was still so little that when tested in the future she would pass, the audiologist would not give me an answer. I felt like she skirted around it but wouldn't answer me! So, she then made an appointment for the 15th for Caroline to go back and have an ABR diagnostic test preformed. This test is more in depth and will tell if she has mild, moderate, severe, or profound hearing loss. I asked could she pass that one even though she failed the first one? She said yes, and they would rule the first one as not valid. So, I still had hope she had normal hearing! Right before we left, I told her that when we got home, everyone would want to know how are appointment went and what should we tell them? That is when she FINALLY told us that she probably does have some sort of hearing loss and now we need to find out the degree. I broke down and started crying! She even teared up! She was very encouraging and told us that unlike Sara Catherine, Caroline will get help now and should have no type of "catch up" like speech. Of course, we said "but the genetics test came back normal, how can it not be genetics if both daughters have hearing loss?" They only tested Sara Catherine for one factor that they know is linked to genetics. She said that there may be something that may be out there that is unkown or hasn't been named yet. She gave us the number to their geneticist who will do a complete evaluation and try to determine if it is genetics and other factors. One of the things that it hitting us really hard is that if it is genetics, we will probably not have anymore children of our own. I wanted around 4 children, and don't feel like I am through having kids, so it upsets me to think I am! Also, we want to know if our girls are likely to have children with hearing loss. So, with all of that being said how are we doing? At first of course we were emotional! It was a hard pill to swallow. I think it even shocked our friends and family because when they called to check on Caroline and we told them she failed, they all said are you serious or you're joking??!! We would tell them that we were serious and would not joke about that! Nobody could believe it! We know God has a plan and is going to use our family and girls through this! That is almost a little exciting to think that God chose Ronnie and me to meet, marry, and have two daughters with hearing loss and knew that together we could handle that and will strive to better His kingdom through this. And for our babies, he has such BIG plans for them! As far as no more children, we often have our own plans, but God's are completely different. We don't know what the future holds with that, but we have to have faith that God has plans for us, plans for welfare, not disaster, to give us a future and a hope! Jeremiah 29:11!! We also know that miracles happen everyday and that we can go to Birmingham on the 15th and Caroline be perfectly fine! If that is God's will, that will be awesome!!! But if it is not His will, we are prepared to face the road ahead, even the uncertainty of if their hearing loss will one day get worse.